Desi aversion

don’t want to know any more of them.

Screaming kids – bad parenting

எம்பிள்ள பயங்கர வாலு (my child is a brat) – bad parenting

saliva soaked hands, spitting on other people – bad parenting

crying kids to get what they want – bad parenting

suppressed development (this is becoming too common these days as the parents are soooo scared, they keep the kid arrested in their arms/laps) – bad parenting

my child eats only sweets – bad parenting

my child doesn’t eat at all – bad parenting

my child doesn’t sleep, and i need to do soooooo many things to get her/him sleep – bad parenting

my child doesn’t go to anyone – bad parenting

my child is possessive (doesn’t share toys or doesn’t like me holding other kids) – bad parenting

——

yep you guessed right. I have been to a Desi party, a child’s birthday celebration. too many kids, too many moms (with too many gold in the display. i find children wearing gold chains disgusting. men wearing gold chain – ewww.), too many “proud” moms sharing their “difficulties”. 😦 If my kid is going to be like any one of them, or if i am going to become one of those moms, i do not want children. i am fine, thank you. I like other people’s nice kids who are pleased to see “this” auntieeeee, recognise me, smile at me, come to me, repeat what I teach them, a week later their moms tell me that their kids have been doing what i taught all week …. I am the nice auntieee.. don’t call me mami, i will kill you, athai works fine.

Dishwasher and Indian women

Prescript:

Usha said: சமையல் அறை சிங்கில் பாத்திரங்கள் எப்பொழுதும் தேய்க்க குவிந்துக் கொண்டே இருந்தன

I said: dishwasher is my best friend!

Usha said: டிஷ் வாஷர், ரிப்பேராகி ஒருவருஷம் ஆச்சு. ஆமாம் எல்லாத்தையும் தேச்சி அதில் போடணும், அதுக்கு கையிலேயே உடனடியாய் கழுவுவது சுலபமாய் இருக்கு.

I said: //எல்லாத்தையும் தேச்சி அதில் போடணும்//

எதுக்கு? நாங்கள் அப்படியே போடுவோம்.  🙂

Usha said: பிரேமலதா, டிஷ் வாஷ்ர் வேலை உங்க தலைவருடையதா:-))))))))))))
————————-

When Usha smiled at length in that comment,

  1. I didn’t get why she thinks it is balan who operates the dishwasher

  2. why she doesn’t want to believe that we can dump the dishes straight in

  3. what is there to be smiling at length about (even if it is balan who operates the bloody machine (don’t ask me. there is a big hallahulla about operating that bloody machine in my household) )?

  4. do men smile at length if they say “my wife works and brings salary”?

  5. i am totally surprised that do we still have to talk in these terms? is it true that we are all living in that situation stillllllllllll? Am I living a different life in a different world?

  1. Similar questions came up when there was a female-bloggers-meet in London sometime ago that most of the time they were interested in talking about mother in law issues and how we “have to” give birth to “male” child. etc.. 

  2. The question that really made me think was that “in Desi parties women stay in corner/kitchen and talk about cooking while men stay in another corner/lounge and talk about politcs/cricket”!    No, that is not true in those Desi parties I have been to, except the ones I have been to in my early days in this country. I would exclude those parties totally, as there was a generation gap there (yes, some people are older than me, I am not the only or the oldie in this world).

  1. Am I living in a different world?

  2. In our social circle, invariably it is men who clean the house. In many houses men clean the dishes, except in those houses where women complain about not-cleaning-well by the men. 🙂

  3. I am not saying that I don’t see any MCPs at all, in fact, most of them are either MCPs or still have not thought a lot about these issues, so they continue to live how their previous generations have lived. Still they do not think doing household things is any big revolutionary thing they are doing (definitely do not talk in terms of “I am helping my wife”). It is not talked about as a biggie in my circle. Mind you, many girls are not working women.

  4. I do not know much about mother in law issues, as many families here do not have one at home and I certainly do not have one in my life at all (Hope she is doing great in Trichy). Although in that bloggers-meet I tried to say in the same lines as others,  just in an attempt to join the conversation as I found myself quiet and not involved in any of those topics they have been talking about, I have not had any MIL experience myself, good or bad for that matter, with my MIL at all.

  5. “Male child” issue I observed in only one family, but I would believe it exists very much though not visibly there (I have not inlcuded elders implying that the child should be made male-child. I am only talking about the couple themselves. I totally agree that elders do create problems). But, I would think it is mostly to do with “difficulties in bringing up a girl child in these days”, meaning, “I don’t mind if my child is a boy and goes on to have sex in his life at a later time, but i don’t think I can live with a fact that my child is a girl and will have sex when she grows up and I am scared that she might eventually end up having sex”… It is not even dowry these days.

  1.   Dishwasher:

    1. We do rinse (not wash) before stacking the dishes in the dishwasher. But, that is what we always did when we washed them in the sink by ourselves. So, I do feel my dishwasher takes a quite a good load off me.

    2. We both operate dishwasher.

    3. I have observed many indians do not like dishwasher claiming that it doesn’t clean well. I totally disagree. Dishwasher cleans better than me. (and I clean better than those women who complain against dishwasher. true). Didn’t same trend prevail when pressure cooker was introduced, washing machine was introduced, mixie was introduced, why, when electrically operated (?!!!) grinder was introduced? Indian women love to stay the way they are. Newton’s first law.

  2.  Desi parties

    1. It is a welcoming trend that I see in this younger generation that they are quite open and very forward about how they have naturally changed. No feminism was needed there. (No feminism works there either).

    2. Men take pride in their “drinking” wives..  No. I am not supporting alchoholism, I am pleasantly surprised to see them having overcome a stigma, a strong one at that.

    3. men do not talk about politics or cricket in desi parties. It is always about something hilarious (how their driving skills were, how they went crazy, how they drove first, how they went wrong with maps etc. etc.) that happened.. enjoyable for everyone.

    4.  We all sit in the lounge. Most men discourage their wives cooking for their guests and order pizza (if women go to kitchen/cooking how will we “all” enjoy the get-together, is the question those men have asked whenever we nice ladies have offered to cook something quick).

    5. Yes, still some kitchen talks happen, but it is mostly to do with exchanging recipies as most girls do not know proper cooking before coming here. Men do better in that department these days, as they have lived by themselves for sometime before marriage.

I think I have missed a lot and I suspect I do not make any sense in this post. Can’t be bothered to check it now, as I have to go out to buy some bloody good shoes as it is bleeding cold here  😦

(This weekend was supposed to be a blog-free-weekend. I have stayed away from Tamil blogging at least. Well, almost.  😦  )

Diwali plans. Plan B – Camping this time

Diwali plans.  Anyone interested is welcome to join us.

Mail exchanges so far. 

Balan:

Let us come to plan B.  

How about a trip to the skandavale temple?  There are some basic accommodation facility at the temple but we have to  inform them well in advance if we go as a group.  Otherwise we can stay nearby at some farm house(it may have 4 to 5 bedrooms).  Temple is approximately 3-4 hours journey from London and situated near Carmarthen(Wales) . 

The one disadvantage is the transportation.  If you got a car it won’t be problem as the public transportation is not that brilliant(as for as I know). But still as many of us will have spare space in our car I am sure we can organise something. This is the events calender and please have a look at it and throw your ideas regarding the suitable date.
http://www.skandava le.org/06calenda r_.htm

Apart from this plan B, If you got any other ideas pleas let us know.

———————–next—————

Renga:

Hi All,

developing Balan’s idea on Plan B further, we would like to clarify this is not a theertha yaathra kind of thing. It more of a Camping together event.
The idea is a 1.5 days event. (Saturday/Sunday) camping in a cottage / farm house with a nights stay and have partying fun. It could be that Men could do all the cooking for the day with fun ideas. If possible we can have camp fire in the evening with our usual games. People have always felt the need for more time in our previous get togethers and this could be a different weekend getting away from our usual boring routine. We are aware that UKMakkal is community with people from different religions. Wales Skandavel temple is just optional part in this for those interested to make it there on a convienient slot. So if you are not too keen on the temple idea dont get deterred by that. Ideas are welcome to make it more merrier.

As Balan rightly mentioned like other get togethers there needs to be some planning going in for this event too. But the responsibilities will be shared. Only the common expenses like shared accomodation will be shared. Other preparations will be up to the individual. We can refine this as we go along.

But what we need to know now is how many people would be interested in this idea. If you have any suggestions for an alternative location too you are welcome to share that. Balan was recommending Wales as this particular location is on a hill and is  picturesque  and would be nice for such camping.

We did speak of this idea in our last get Hemel together and many people were interested.
 So please speak now if you are interested. There are some families interested in this idea including myself and we may still proceed if this numbers are not that great.(there is no minimum numbers for this camping)  But we want to consult everyone interested to arrive on the dates etc etc. As Balan rightly mentioned even if you dont have car, there is a possibility that you can share the car space with rest of us.

Cheers
Renga

———————–next—————

Baskar:

Well said Renga, If our regular plan doesn’t work out this(plan B) looks even better than the original  as there will be a considerable amount of responsibility to be shared by most of the participants and this will totally be a more exciting and a different get together than just meeting new people.

You can add two from my side and I got a car which an accomodate 3 more people. Any one from harrow area if interested to join us could expect a pick up and drop off service as well.

Cheers

Baskar

 ———————–next—————

Balaji S Rajan 

All,

Yes.. this seems to be a good idea. Naanga ready neenga ready..ah… lift kudukka. Baskar thanks for offering lifts. Renga consider lift for one ticket either my Mom or Akash. I shall see  someone else for other 2 + 2.

Seri …. come to a plan quickly. We are eagerly waiting for other events.

Skandavale Murugannukku …  Arogara.

Cheers,

Balaji S