First trial cancelled

I just have cancelled my first IVF trial which was scheduled for May in India. Personal reasons (not the one below).

Tertia’s story, her IVF trials, Luke, Ben..  I have absolutely no clue how she brought herself to go for that 9th attempt, which luckily was 100% successfull. I don’t think I can go through more than two trials. I have already cancelled one. I  might be lucky to get another trial booked this year, which takes my age to 39 (well, close to), the legal cut off age for IVFs in UK, which conveniently helps me to stop trying. I see a child free future. I am tempted to accept that option right now.

I will feel guilty to adopt a child just because I do not have other options. If at all I adopt, I should have my options open, and I should choose to adopt. I should not (don’t want to) adopt because I do not have options. This is other than the other reason I have mentioned in my earlier post. I see a child free future. I might end up being single too. I should have set him free a long time ago. I have closed his options too.

Nope, I am not depressed. Don’t say/feel sorry for me in the comment section. That would mean you do not know me. I am just being practical, ruthlessly practical, as always. Not new.

Success rate of IVF trials

It was told in a TV programme I watched sometime ago that the success rate is 30%, which means two out of three are not successes. So, anyone trying for IVF should know this statistics and should be prepared. When IVF trial is scheduled, one should not build their hopes of becoming pregnant the next month. The BBC article says the success rate is 15%, which is lower than what was told in the TV programme.  

In vitro fertilisation – 1

Not always IVF means infertility is being treated. Not that infertility means lack of anything (well, technically it is, but, you know what I mean). Someone can read without glasses, someone can do with a little help from wearing them. That is all it is to me. 

I haven’t done a good research yet. I haven’t been to my doctor for my briefing yet. But I keep hearing some terms…. You are under medication for IVF, so you shouldn’t be eating/drinking this… kind of questions and/or, are you OK with donors etc, you know you will not be the biological parent, kind of questions….. Then I looked up, not exhaustively yet, but…

  1. Some might need hormone treatment (boosting?)
  2. Some might need to have to go for donors.

Then there is this another question that constantly comes up… what about adoption?

In my bachelor days I used to have so many theories, so many principles, so many ideals and so many so many.. One of them used to be “adoption” and “certainly not having a baby of my own”. The “adoption” was to “help the children in need” and the later one was out of my fear to see another one of me and I wasn’t prepared to deal with her/him.  I used to argue, wanting to have “own” baby is pure ego. 🙂

The reason why I have braved myself to go for my own rather than the adoption route is more to do with my fears surrounding the psychology of the adopted child than to do with wanting to have my own baby.  I still enquired about adoption procedures. It is a lengthy process. And the adoption route in UK adds more issues to the “psychology of the adopted child” issues. So I have given up. I thought of adopting from India too. Again I have given up.

Info file on me:

not pregnant yet.

no hormone treatments suggested for me, as the briefing or the tests relevant for this are not done yet.

no donors. Not suggested, as the briefing or the tests relevant for this are not done yet. But, my decision is not to go for donor (egg or sperm) if it comes to that.

IVF – BBC tonight

I must watch