What do I want my daughter to be

Siletnone talks about her dreams and aspirations

Children are not a lot different from computers in the sense that they are  G in G out (garbage in garbage out) type. IMHO, there is no parenting method, which is purely “leaving the child to choose” type. Some background work is always done to lead and hence to mould the child. Some mould them too much and make them stick to parent’s expectations, whereas, some others lead the child to learn and reevaluate so that the child can chose irrespective of parent’s interests. I am lucky to be surrounded by so many children with few methods under test that I can see the results everyday and have the opportunity to observe them develop as their parents impose their ideas on them. Some children develop to “listen”, some develop to “memorise”, some others develop to “seek attention”. A few develop to imagine and question as well, which gives me some hope in my future parenting strategies I am planning to impose on my child. I do not know how it happened in my childhood that I developed to imagine and question, for which I will NOT give any credit to my parents. It must have been purely an accident.  They did not know how to mould me to “memorise”. They failed in their attempt in moulding me to “listen”.  There was no one to pay attention, so my “seek attention” is still an on-going one to see if there is anyone around paying me any attention at all.

What do I want my child to be:

  1. No attention seeking habits. At the same time seeing to it that it is not deprived of attention (which may be translated as “no care” by the child, which might lead to insecured feeling) altogether either.
  2. no memorising
  3. learn to imagine and question
  4. learn to reevaluate and self learning

Sure I have aspirations and dreams for her too.

  1. I want her to have a well earning career. No maths oriented. No Cambridge or Oxford, unless it is law. London Business School – yes, London School of Economics – yes. If possible Harvard University or Stanford University. Princeton or Yale is fine too.

little clarification (edited to add): I do not want her to be an achiever though. Not even a ranker in her class. After being an achiever if one has to face failure, I know how much it derails a person. I want her to be exposed to failures and successes equally. Atleast some taste of failure should be there. It will prepare her to accept it and move on.

  1. no too much into book (fiction) reading habits. Sure I would like her to read some books (fiction too) just so that she is in the knowledge of who is who and what is what.
  2. (Added). no too much music (any kind). Particularly not Indian classical music or dance related thingys. I do not have any formal training in any of them, but I do have some attraction developed for some music and some dance. The Indian movie industry didn’t let me escape, that’s how. The attraction I had has faded away a lot since though. So, no prize for guessing that I am not playing any classical music for my baby in my bump. Yes they say it is just a calming factor. But they also say that mother’s mood is what transferred to the child. So, if I do not feel calmed by listening to any of those music, classical or not, Indian or not, then what is the point in playing it for my baby? Won’t it make the child go confused when I send mixed signals?

Let us see. As they say in Hindi, Delhi tho abi bahut dhoor hai. (please correct my “h” problems). 🙂

PS: bulletting or numbering does not work for this template.

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16 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. mumbaigirl
    Oct 16, 2007 @ 14:42:35

    Bit disappointed about the fiction bit. maybe because I read hundreds of books of fiction while growing up. But then why do I want to impose my tastes on your baby?!

    Reply

  2. Premalatha
    Oct 16, 2007 @ 15:17:45

    🙂

    I know fiction makes one a dreamer. I want my daughter to be a practical person. And, I believe that reading books consume significant time. If she loves reading books, if she doesn’t find time to read, I do not want her to feel something missing from her life. I suspect she may not have time to read books a lot (her adulthood period). Since she will be introduced to books nevertheless, I may not get to say how much reading she can do!

    I read a lot of fiction too, though all in tamil.
    🙂

    Reply

  3. Premalatha
    Oct 16, 2007 @ 15:24:11

    MG, I thought you were going to be disappointed about the music bit mainly.

    Reply

  4. sudha
    Oct 16, 2007 @ 17:04:59

    I am :(!

    Reply

  5. Premalatha
    Oct 16, 2007 @ 17:16:23

    sudha, 🙂

    music also makes one a dreamer kind of person.

    Reply

  6. D the D
    Oct 17, 2007 @ 01:35:40

    Premalatha:
    My chemistry professor once said, “Chemicals and kids dont behave in the way you expect them to”.

    I am experiencing the same. My daughter is into every thing which me and my wife didnt plan for her. We wanted her to be a tomboy but she is showing signs of a diva.
    One example: We wanted to be sure that she wouldn’t get indoctrinated to the perception that pink is for girls and blue is for boys. Unfortunately, she vehmently rejects anything that is blue (even gray) and simply wants all her stuff (plates to dresses) in pink. 😦

    Reply

  7. Premalatha
    Oct 17, 2007 @ 09:46:04

    D the D,

    That is scaring me. I am planning to keep her away from pink too. I have bought some pink clothes, but I wouldn’t like all pink all the time.

    When I was growing up, when everybody said that I was more of a manly type than girly type, I always got angry and wanted to be more girly. The term tomboy was not known there and a girl having more of masculine tendencies (not cooking at home etc were considered as not-girly- of me) was considered odd and not good. Me looking like my father with hairy hands and hairy legs didn’t help either. They all led me to want to behave like a girl more. It could be that kind of confusion.

    But the thought that my girl might like pink and all pink is very scary to me! 🙂

    Reply

  8. Ag
    Oct 17, 2007 @ 19:18:43

    Yep, I totally agree with D and D. We were also planned to keep our daughter out of descriminating things (pink-bule stuff, car for boys -dolls for girls crap). Guess what.. our house full of barbie dolls and her room is painted pink( Her wish, which we couldn’t resist). So,accept it and enjoy !!!!
    ..Ag

    Reply

  9. B o o.
    Oct 17, 2007 @ 21:31:45

    Honey, right now all I want from my daughter is to tell me when she wants to pee and eat the food kept in front of her. And thats asking for too much! 😉

    Reply

  10. Premalatha
    Oct 18, 2007 @ 08:28:10

    @Ag,

    🙂 I am going to deny that and enjoy my dreams and aspirations until she asks for pink. After all, my period of enjoyment is not going to last long, is it? She has got all her life to be in pink.

    @Boo,
    LOL. Gotcha. 🙂
    You can’t blame a first time mother, a jobless one, for dreaming and planning, can you? The University bit was partly sarcastic (at me).

    Reply

  11. mumbaigirl
    Oct 18, 2007 @ 22:36:22

    Well the music was forced down A’s throat when he was at baording school and as a result he doesn’t like Indian music. Whereas for me it was a joyous, happy introduction, part of soothing and calming processes. If you don’t feel calm when you listen to Indian music I agree you may transmit the wrong signals. But if you send her to me to babysit I can take care of that 🙂

    Reply

  12. Premalatha
    Oct 21, 2007 @ 15:24:50

    MG,
    She has got nice aunts to spoil (in a nice way) her doesn’t she? 🙂

    Reply

  13. Trackback: Within / Without » Good Tamil Baby - Loves Ilayaraja and Idli
  14. Nilu
    Aug 18, 2008 @ 07:00:00

    arasiyal illayo?

    Reply

  15. Premalatha
    Aug 18, 2008 @ 16:24:49

    Nilu, Arasiyal is my secret aspiration. how did you read my mind? 😉

    Reply

  16. The Visitor
    Aug 27, 2008 @ 11:19:33

    LOL – I couldn’t help laughing at the aspirations of a mother. Rarely do children do what their parents expect of them, more so spirited ones. Latha has finally met her match. I cant help rejoicing. 😀

    All the best, happy parenting and Cheers.

    Reply

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