Reply to Anitha

Prescript: as the reply became too long, I decided to post it separately as a post. Some of them may be useful things for some other person.  Also, it is easy for me to edit.

I do not know whether you have read my previous posts on pregnancy (start from the bottom), or, whether you know my age. I am 38 years old, and I didn’t want to have a child at all in my life until one fine day, the day I wanted to have child and that too immediately. 🙂 . I am used to more than this (in the previous post). Well, I can’t say, I am immune or numb now, I still get angry every time, every single time.

When I didn’t want to have children, I still liked playing with them, you know me being the nice auntie and all. Balan too. Slowly I stopped playing with other’s children, since people with too obviously bad parenting (text book bad parenting) started telling me how to be with children (too many instructions or telling me off) simply because I do not have the experience in anything about children. I stayed away from their kids and slowly I started staying away from all kids. Balan didn’t. It slowly changed the scene to, “poor Balan, he loves kids, but this woman cannot give kids”. Some of them either thought that I refused (to have kids), as it is possible since me being the ratchasi (demon) kind of woman and all, or they assumed I was infertile. Either way, Balan was the poor guy and a victim. One of our oldest friends, (belong to the first category who thought that I refused), called me for a private chat. She asked me about my plans. I had started taking tests at that time, so I told her that I was investigating the matter very much. Then she advised me that I should have baby for Balan’s sake. That really pissed me off. I told her that if Balan wanted baby, it was his problem, not mine (I was kind not to tell her that she was welcome to help him out. >:-) Her husband was our friend too, in fact he was close to us than her. So I spared her).  I just wanted to go back to my original plan of not having baby just to show her my finger.

I generally do not go around and give explanations to people. When someone asks I never hide or selectively tell. Some people took this as advantage to extract information selectively, (I answer only to the questions asked. Not less, not more) and considered (or told others) that I was very close to this person (TP). I knew all along that TP (I am trying not to reveal the gender) didn’t ask me the very important question that why this late, so, I knew all along that TP might have TP’s own assumptions, and my guess was that TP belonged to the second category (that I was infertile). I wasn’t going to tell TP making an extra effort that I was not infertile, as I believe that that would mean as if being infertile is anything of less and my extra effort would mean that I was trying to defend that I was not that. As we were in regular contact, TP knew all about my tests up-to-date. TP claimed that I was very close to TP that I discussed all about my tests with TP. When I realised about this claim (thank God I realised it early. We had just the test for checking the thyroid level done at that time. (Test for thyroid level is the first and the foremost test they do in UK, irrespective of the regularity of your menstural cycle. – info for others). But I was planning to go for IVF, if needed, so I mentioned that to TP), and when I felt like telling someone that this is not a big deal, I decided to write about it in blog.

Then I decided that my posts should be informative and useful for someone. I wrote on the information as I learnt them. I did not attempt to do it exhaustive. May be I should have. But it did do some good to some people. One couple discussed their trying-to-get-pregnant-phase with us. (I do not want to call it a problem). They were very glad that they had found someone with whom they could open up. I was very glad that we were that someone. I was very glad that someone could open up and they thought it is a normal thing to discuss about it. I felt like I had achieved something, that I have made some big change in the society to happen. I was very happy to see someone openly discussing about it, every little thing. I even dared to make a little mention on how frequent and when they should have sex!!.  Guess what, that became a topic of discussion, and they felt comfortable in continuing it with us (I hope I didn’t overstep). I wish them all happiness and a baby soon (as that is what they want). 

I have been writing since that first post on pregnancy. Read them when you have time.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Anitha
    Oct 11, 2007 @ 22:24:17

    Thanks Prema(if I can call you that) for taking time to post such a long reply. I used to read your tamil posts and english posts on & off. Did not know you had a series of posts on TTC(Trying To Conceive) topic. Read a few, will come back to read more. They are informative. I am kind of well-read on this topic as well, because I have PCOD. I was happy for 3.5 years post-marriage without a baby and suddenly I wanted one IMMEDIATELY. I am like this, if I want something, I want it NOW. I knew I had PCOS and it will be very difficult for me to conceive on my own(I used to get periods once in 3-4 months,sometimes 5 months completely irregular and unpredictable). I went to the OB-GYN, lied to her that we were TTC for 1 year and we still have no luck. Here in the US, doctors will try to intervene only if you have tried atleast for 1 year (when you are in the child bearing age bracket that is, if you are above 33 they will help). She knows I have PCOS, and she agrees to prescribe Clomid and asks me to try for 6 more months before anyother intervention. The impatient me goes to her again in the 3rd month and asks her if she can increase the dosage, because I was neither pregnant nor was menstruating during that month. She increases the dosage and prescribes Hysterosalpingogram test to see if my tubes are blocked. I take the test and the increased dosage Clomid during the 4th month and Voila! I get pregnant. Within that 4-5 months of trying, I read up the world on “conception” devouring all of babycenter, americanbaby, ivillage, books from library,booklets from doc office, magazines, bla bla. I was measuring BBT, monitoring my mucus, contemplating positions, etc. etc. DH was like “you are behaving so desperate as though you have been trying for years”. That is how I am. Well, that is my TTC story. I think I hogged up all your comment space. Will try to write a post on this as well as my birth story. Have been wanting to.

    Off the tangent, what you say is true. Blog is a powerful medium, you don’t know how many people get benefitted.


  2. Premalatha
    Oct 12, 2007 @ 09:18:45

    Hi Anitha,

    Looking forward to your posts on TTC.

    I lied to my doctor that I had been trying for five years. He smiled. Then I negotiated with him and told him that, “well, seriously for two years”. LOL.

    The TTC period should be as short as possible so that we are spared from frustration. long period of TTC might lead to deteriorating hopes. It might put some stress on the relationship too. We might lose the interest to the proper trying method and might end up not doing the “maximising the chances”… which itself may result in not-positive result. it will then go on on a cumulative effect. You were right about making it happen within 4 months. Well done.

    In UK, British women starting to think about having baby after 35 has become very common. So, I was not an uncommon patient for my doctor. 🙂

    (which Tamil blog you read? Kombai or kathambamaalai?)


  3. Random Vignettes
    Oct 12, 2007 @ 21:55:39

    Hi Premalatha…i blog hopped here from Boo’s blog…and I really like what I am reading so far…all the best to you da..and I guess I am going to be standing in line for some advice as K and I are also planning to start a family soon 🙂


  4. Premalatha
    Oct 15, 2007 @ 15:36:00

    Hi Random Vignettes,
    Thanks for your comment and wishes. All the best to you. Sure mail me or comment here anytime. 🙂


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