I don’t understand

The husband welcomes us. Gets us seated and gets on with some customary conversation and then some. The husband goes inside leaving us in the lounge. Then the wife comes.  Welcomes us. Some conversation follows. The husband comes back. Asks wife, “Did you offer them anything to drink?” abruptly stopping us in the middle of a conversation. The wife says, “Yeah sure, just let them finish what they were saying. Will offer them in a minute” and waits for me patiently to finish the sentence I started and then asks, “Would you like anything to drink, juice, coffee?”

…..

After the food, the wife talks about another family “The husband sits in the lounge and wife brings coffee, it is that orthodox they are”…

It amused me that how she couldn’t see what is happening in her own house? It is worth noting that both are IT pros, although she currently is not working, as she has given up her job to look after her kid.

I know all about “choices”. How any self respecting woman (or a man for that matter if he is in that kind of situation) would choose this as her choice? Being ordered around and treated like a housemaid as her choice? Is it only us (Balan and I) who noticed that the husband didn’t offer any drink?

The husband instructed/advised the wife not to discipline their kid in front of us whereas he failed to see he did what he did to his wife in front of us.

I don’t understand. I don’t get her stand in this. There is no any society judging her here. There is no any  mother-in-law present there (as often the complaints point to the MIL), there is no one insisting on the woman doing it. There is no one to point the finger at her. Why is it the way it is? Why can’t they see it?

I would dump all these on bad parenting. Upbringing of both that guy and that girl. Hopefully their children get to grow out of that small circle.

Why does it bother me? I have no idea either!

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9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Michelle
    May 17, 2007 @ 11:45:09

    I had a friend who would only wear clothes her boyfriend approved of. It made me angry for her and at her. Why? No idea!

    Maybe we hate seeing other women act weak because it takes away a sense of our own power? I don’t know. Maybe we just hate it because it’s so stupid and irritating.

    Reply

  2. Premalatha
    May 17, 2007 @ 13:42:00

    It is irritating for sure. I also felt sorry for her. He was really yelling at her and she went sad. She goes sad whenever he yells at her and that happened a lot within those few hours of our interaction.
    These are the women who set rules for other women and make our lives difficult.
    There is this another woman: She was horrified and had a blaming look when i told her that my husband moves with me whenever i change work place! I thought she was going to kill me for that!
    🙂

    Reply

  3. Michelle
    May 17, 2007 @ 16:01:15

    Poor woman number 1. Having your spouse yell at you in front of people is just so BAD. 😦
    “These are the women who set rules for other women and make our lives difficult.”
    Very true!
    I love your story. I’ve had that too. I tried making a friend here when I first moved to Scotland. Another Southern African woman, but more conservative/traditional than i am. When she found out Sandy changed his surname to mine instead of the usual way she was so upset. Every time we visited her she’d bring it up. Like “what will you name your children? How will they understand?” “Why did you do this?” over and over.
    Poor woman. I think we gave her an ulcer. 😀

    Reply

  4. Premalatha
    May 18, 2007 @ 07:29:50

    //Sandy changed his surname to mine //

    Awww. That is a very nice gesture. Remember Mike Smith, the guy who went with GH on his SES expedition to Mamallapuram, TN? He was saying that he was going to change his surname to his fiancee’s after their marriage ofcourse. Men are changing really. 🙂

    Reply

  5. fonceur
    May 18, 2007 @ 21:43:32

    like you said it is matter of choices. You choose what you want to be. I a guy oppresses a girl the fault is more of the girl who allowed him to do so. There is no point in complaining. What is required is self respect and mutual understanding.

    Reply

  6. Kowsalya
    May 24, 2007 @ 08:32:19

    Hi Premalatha,

    I have read all your blogs 🙂 so your assumption that your blog readers do not criss-cross your other blogs is not true. 😉

    But this post today made me comment.

    I also get pretty irritated when I see such things and I immediately retort back when I go through such things. I also don’t know why it bothers me at all. What hurts me most is when the woman just takes it without thinking she is losing her self respect in the process.

    And again I felt the same way about wishingwom’s blogs. I felt she should not feel guilty that too for no fault of hers.

    So after a long long time, I am meeting someone who think like me in many ways. 🙂 🙂

    Kowsalya

    Reply

  7. Premalatha
    May 24, 2007 @ 10:15:30

    //So after a long long time, I am meeting someone who think like me in many ways. :)//

    Thank you. You are very kind. 🙂

    Reply

  8. Premalatha
    May 24, 2007 @ 10:16:26

    @fonceur
    Agreed. 🙂

    Reply

  9. Jay
    May 25, 2007 @ 09:50:27

    Woman: I treat my children equally. My sons do not call their sisters names. Mutual respect is very important, you know. I …

    “Anjali, pour some tea for your brother and take it to him before he gets angry.”

    Woman: Where was I? My daughters yadadadadada

    My question is this:
    Who deserves a knock on the head? The daughter, mother or son?

    Reply

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