First trial cancelled

I just have cancelled my first IVF trial which was scheduled for May in India. Personal reasons (not the one below).

Tertia’s story, her IVF trials, Luke, Ben..  I have absolutely no clue how she brought herself to go for that 9th attempt, which luckily was 100% successfull. I don’t think I can go through more than two trials. I have already cancelled one. I  might be lucky to get another trial booked this year, which takes my age to 39 (well, close to), the legal cut off age for IVFs in UK, which conveniently helps me to stop trying. I see a child free future. I am tempted to accept that option right now.

I will feel guilty to adopt a child just because I do not have other options. If at all I adopt, I should have my options open, and I should choose to adopt. I should not (don’t want to) adopt because I do not have options. This is other than the other reason I have mentioned in my earlier post. I see a child free future. I might end up being single too. I should have set him free a long time ago. I have closed his options too.

Nope, I am not depressed. Don’t say/feel sorry for me in the comment section. That would mean you do not know me. I am just being practical, ruthlessly practical, as always. Not new.

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Michelle
    Apr 17, 2007 @ 14:57:25

    I got married at the age of 38 so the choice of IVF really wasn’t an issue for us. I either had a baby.. or I didn’t.

    No matter what you think you feel there are days you’re happy, and days you’re not. In the end I’m not sure if choices make it easier or harder. Sometimes there’s a sense of relief in not having a choice because choice brings the big “R” word – responsibility. In our mother’s days you just got married and had babies. Nowadays you have choices, which mean you are responsible. More power, but more burden.

    Sometimes I think I envy my mother’s generation.
    Sometimes I don’t.

    Reply

  2. the mad momma
    May 03, 2007 @ 18:05:36

    ah, I see you did go to Tertia’s blog.. all the best no matter what you choose

    Reply

  3. Premalatha
    May 03, 2007 @ 18:18:32

    MM, I linked at kathambam (the one in Tamil) first. 🙂

    Thanks for the reco. It was nice to know “not alone”.

    Reply

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