It is mostly women who do the single parenting. There are two heartbreaking stories in the “letter to” section of the Guardian. In both cases I sympathised with the fathers as well although all my amazment is at the mothers on how did they do it?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/oct/17/letter-to-exhusband in this case I beleive the woman still cares about her ex. I would be too if I were her, considering how caring he was and how suspicious it looks that he is no where to be found since then. OMG, how on earth this woman managed to do what she has done. four children, £40 in hand, the house repossesed and the husband leaves!

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/aug/29/letter-to-ex and in this second case, he dies and there is no way of reversing it back! Along with her struggles, she lives with the hurt that it has caused her and her family.

and, here is a lucky woman http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2007/oct/20/familyandrelationships2 

I wasn’t going to post all these links on this blog here until my physiotherapist told me that he has lost his wife eight years ago in a road traffic accident and he has been managing his life with his three children since then. He had and has good support from his wife’s family, he says, but still ….

I have seen hyperactive kids and hyperactive adults. Cutting down on sugar is what everyone says as a cure to this. I don’t eat sweet items. So I don’t bother cutting down  sugar in my coffee or tea. I am not hyperactive, I believe. But recently I have been eating too much of this sweet item which is such a unhealthy item not only because of it is high sugar content but also because it is nothing but fat, sugar and carbo. It is called Kesari, and Indian sweet dish (pudding). Strangely, I ate this only when I was pregnant last time and didn’t remember about this all this time, suddenly remembered now and have been eating since then! Hope the little one does not turn out to be a hyper child. Can’t handle.

I like my long hair. also I hate my long hair because it gives me very tired look when I tie it back. I like short hair and I hate short hair because I cannot tie it back when I want to. So I sport short hair for sometime and long hair for sometime. Though I have heard about people commenting on modern women means cutting their hair, I never gave so much importance to that and didn’t think the long/short hair has got so much significance in terms of feminism. I am going to cut my currently long hair (slightly above hip) to short one (ear length) just for a change.  My shoulder length hair has always had a much better acceptance than anything shorter than that. But I like ear length hair. I am going to cut it, tomorrow.

Dec. 11. Got the hair cut done. it is chin length bob cut as suggested by the hair stylist.

Can you accept the victims as human beings and not as charity?

(Via  Menaka Raman)

No one gets my logic. I have got five more weeks for the booked C sec date and six weeks to EDD. But, see my logic is, Muffin was born two weeks early. ok, so minus two weeks from the EDD. And, it is second baby, so minus another two weeks from EDD. so I have got two more weeks to go! Doesn’t that make the waiting little less frustrating?! But the panic phase has already started. Yesterday I had some watery leak. So I called the delivery suit and they asked me to come only if the leak is big. it was not. But my worry is what if the amniotic fluid is leaking? I need to get that checked. but have no option but to wait until tomorrow when I will see my GP. Even then i am not sure my GP can examine the amniotic fluid leak.  So, I decided to make the list and pack the hospital bag which I haven’t packed yet.  Unlike last time, when I read all sort of lists from all sort of Internet sites and leaflets, this time I am just packing what I remember from previous hospital days. I will finally check one or two lists from expert sites/leaflets just to see if I have missed anything. 

I will have to update the list as I remember. But, please do suggest from your experience or opinion what I would need to pack.

Bag for the baby.
first set of clothes: body suit, sleep suit, cotton hat, mittens.
another set for clothing the baby after bathing.
nappy
nappy wipes
nappy sacks
changing mat
Towel
Home coming clothes
muslin cloths
burping cloths

For me:
pyjamas
long top or nightie.
robe
socks
bedroom slippers
bathroom slippers
maternity pad
clean underwear
towel
Long life Juice (hospital food was not enough and was not great)
Hand and face cream
hair brush
Tooth brush and tooth paste (last time I didn’t brush my teeth for two continuous days and I realised it only after coming home! This was because there was no proper night sleep and morning wake up routine)
Good set of clothes for coming home
My glasses and few books book and a book divider.
would be nice if there is Internet in the hospital. the machine they said had Internet didn’t work last time.
mobile phones. yes they say they don’t allow it, but they ignore if we use mobile phones. I will keep (kept) the phones in vibrating mode.

General:
Camera

For Muffin
Books
paper and pen
music toy
puzzles
play doh

will be updated later.

I am 33 weeks plus today.

I followed Pop Idol in which Will Young won the title. I also watched American idol in which Clay Aiken was there. I can’t remember others. may be Layota London was there. I do not know who won the title that time. After that I had lost interest in these competitions. I just happened to watch X factor last time and switched on the TV this week as well. I am not sure I will surely watch the final, but do have interest in finding out who is going to be the winner this time. I like Olly. I hate Stacey, nothing to do with her singing. i just hate her when she starts talking. i don’t buy that “innocent” portrayal. My predictions are it is going to be between Olly and Joe. I am planning to watch the results as well today as my toddler doesn’t have any plan to sleep tonight and i need something interesting to keep me from falling asleep.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/dec/04/feminist-books-five-year-olds

I need to learn  more about what books are available for Muffin and the second one when they are going to read. I dislike the trend boys show towards “girls”/pink and “girls stuff”. I hate gender steretyping.  Hope I can teach mine better while they still read the normal regular stuff. Gruffalo’s child is Muffin’s favourite story so far.

Experienced moms always think that they know everything. and when you get stuck at one or two words they speak, that is it. it gives them the license to lecture at you. after hearing so many lectures i am still confused about some of the terminologies they use. here they are: play group, nursery, day care, day nursery, preschool, nursery school, nursery classes, reception years and the list goes on. All I have to know NOW is the “preschool” as I am not planning to leave her in the “day care”. I donot want to know NOW what primary school is, what secondary school is and defnitely do not want anything to do with colleges and universities yet. For Godshake, Muffin is not even two yet. And trust me, if anyone who needs to practice restrain from putting their children under pressure to do better in their studies, it would be me. And secondly, to the other mom, who insisted that though it is in the premises of a “school” it is “nursery”, where i am sending my daughter, nope, things have changed since you last sent your child to such systems. yes, from 3yrs old there is govt funding and hence it is popular to send the children to “preschool” after they are 3yrs old, but one can also send the kids to “preschool” from 2yrs old as long as one is willing to pay. But, just because we are paying it is NOT nursery. it IS preschool. I have found that out. but, thank you, what would i have learnt if it weren’t for you all.

That “nursery” is still confusing as it sometimes applies to the “day care” and sometimes to the “nursery classes/school”. Thank god, I know what a toddler group is, but which sometimes called as “playgroup” by some. some also refer the “preschool” as “playgrooup” sometimes.

Muffin is going to go to the “preschool” from January. 3 hrs a day. five days a week. only term times. Got admission into the schools I liked.

edited to add: none of these terms are to be confused with American terms. They have a separate list.

more like, what I did this time which I didn’t dare doing last time.  will also add other differences that were not my fault, i mean the things that were nothing to do with what did.

1. didn’t cut down on coffee a lot. switched to decaf to be on the safer side in the first trimester. but didn’t follow it strictly when i went out or at others places.
2. had spotting for few weeks in the first trimester. ended up worrying every time and had three scans in first trimester itself.
3. our NHS trust offered nuchal scan that i didn’t have to go private.
4. went to India for two plus long months.
5. didn’t follow a pedantic schedule of eating right kind of fruits and veg but ate lot of different kinds of fruits and veg. drank loads and loads of coconut water, ate loads and loads of tender coconut, guava, Indian goose berries (nellikkai), jack fruit, and what not.
6. ate loads and loads of peanuts. didn’t dare touching them last time.
7. took preg vitamin tablets which i didn’t last time.
8. threw up a few times in the second trimester. but i suspect it was to do with the bad food.
9. didn’t read/write much. didn’t do any exam.
10. had few sips of wine last week.
11. thought i kept a tab on my weight this time, i weigh the same as i did last time.  only difference is the weight at the start of the pregnancy. three kilos higher this time. meaning, three kilo less increase in this pregnancy. but got to lose the same amount after delivery to compensate for my failure to lose that three kilos last time.
12. didn’t get to eat fiery hot food this time, though i crave for it a lot. didn’t eat too much sweet either, except for the ice cream i an swallowing these days. I am only finishing off what is left in the freezer to help the clear out.
13. do not have a short list for the name yet. not even worried about it. I guess he is going to be called James or David or even Mike.

I have been having braxton hicks for sometime. it feels like real labour as i also get pain. i was under the impression that braxton hicks are not painful. but in my case i have been getting pain making me panic every time i get it. only thing that helps me differentiate it from real labour is that it is not progressive. internet sites say that if you get 4  or more braxton hicks in an hour then you must seek help. Sometimes i got just 4 in an hour making me panic even more. then it goes irregular and i stay at home avoiding an unnecessary visit to the delivery suit. There was this vaginal thrush that has been bothering since second trimester. I was told that it could be the vaginal thrush giving me labour like pain when braxton hicks happened.. Then yesterday I saw spotting and though didn’t panic, I called in and got myself properly checked by the delivery suit staffs. It was the vaginal thrush again. Hope it doesn’t cause anymore hassle. I just want to wait for another six plus weeks and deliver a healthy full term baby.  I just cannot handle having to deal with a premature or a child that might need extra care. I just cannot handle. Wouldn’t it be nice if I could believe in God that I could ask him for this and sleep in peace?  Somehow I am not overly worried and am enjoying these lazy days. But I wish I could be active and take the toddler out, which would give me good time as well instead of lying in the couch all the time, browsing net, not replying to any mail, not talking to any friend, not attending to the toddler as much as I would like to and not cooking …. but i am ok with not cooking much. no work first of all meaning less back pain. and not eating too much which is the biggest advantage. even with me not cooking these days, i eat a lot. i munching on chocolate drenched icecream these days which is not a healthy option. I am 32 weeks plus now.